Well, I just had a really interesting weekend with our church family, mainly our youth group in a Discipleship weekend. It was great. We all had a lot of fun, a lot of sleep deprivation and most importantly the Word of God taught all weekend. I did not expect to personally receive much I guess because it was youth oriented. But, I wrestled with some things this weekend that I have wrestled with for quite some time. I am learning slowly but surely how to release all things to Christ and not just the ones that I don't feel like I need to control. I struggle with wanted to be accepted in the circles that I move in and with the things of the past. I have made some comments about people I care a lot about to others to try and help justify my insecurities and hurt feelings that have haunted me since the day I said it. I knew better when I did it and I know better now. I used to read Proverbs every day and try to somehow apply them to my life and I have recalled this verse and thought it very fitting to how I feel. Proverbs 10:19
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

It was not easy realizing that this should be me but is and was not me abiding in His Word. It is amazing to me when you realize the strong holds in your life had such a control over who you are as a person in different situations and you don't even realize it until sometimes it is too late.

You may be wondering why I chose the picture that is attached. I'm sure you have noticed the picture is a big wave with a surfer riding through it. If you know anything about surfing then you know in a competition the point is to ride the wave all the way out and still be on the board. Now if you have ever watched the competitions more than a few do not make it out still standing. I look at this picture and relate the wave to my situation with my personal battles and the different things I deal with . I am riding through this hoping to come out still standing but sometimes the wave crashes in and holds me under for awhile. I am learning like I said slowly how to stay up with the wave (my battles) and even learning how to eliminate the depth of the things that I am dealing with. Not on my own at all only through His guidance and Word for me. I praise God for revealing who He is to me without the oppression of the rules and regulations that "man" has always taught me had to be. Praise God!